The only thing I need to clarify before I get into this list is that obviously this is not a definitive list of the worst sexual lyrics in all of music as I have not listened to every song in existence. Therefore, this is merely my personal opinion, and this list is intended purely to be entertaining so don’t take it too seriously. Although the entries are numbered there’s not really much of a ranking – all of these lyrics are equally abominable. Also, I want it on record that I had to listen to far too much Nickelback (which was around 3 songs :P) while writing this and being subjected to their poor excuses for music is not a fate that anyone should have to suffer through. Anyway, with that out of the way, let’s move on to the actual list…

10. “Yes, sex is always the answer/It’s never a question/Cause the answer’s yes/Oh, the answer’s yes” from S.E.X. by Nickelback.

First, I could be wrong but I don’t recall sex ever solving the problem of climate change or saving endangered animal species and it was most definitely not the answer to 99% of the exam questions I have ever had in my academic career, so that is an unbelievably stupid line. Two, I don’t think it was intentional but these lines come across as kind of rapey, with the whole “it’s never a question” thing giving off a bit of a ‘Consent? Pah, who needs it?’ vibe, especially when combined with the line “No is a dirty word” earlier in the song. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned how awful this song’s lyrics are before in another article but they’re so bad that I had to include them here too.

9. “When he’s inside you/No, there’s no room for me” from Damn Girl by The All-American Rejects.

This entry and the next one are terrible for pretty similar reasons. They’re both trying to be intelligent but just wind up feeling gratuitous and somewhat unsavoury. This one is the slightly less abhorrent of the two as it is a least mildly clever, but that doesn’t make it any less off-putting to hear.

8. “They think they’ll get inside her/With every drink they buy her” from Next Contestant by Nickelback.

I hope Nickelback feel at home on this list, because here they are again, and this isn’t even the last we’ve seen of them. Like in the previous entry, I feel like Chad Kroeger thought this line was so smart when he wrote it that it never occurred to him how cringeworthy and unnecessary it was. Or maybe that’s giving him too much credit and he genuinely believes this is in some way romantic and appealing. Because everyone wants to be treated like an object to be won as a prize by an overly jealous and possessive partner, right?

7. “You’re so much cooler when you never pull it out/Cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth” from Something in Your Mouth by Nickelback.

Honestly, the entirety of this song could have made it onto this list, but I settled for the worst of the many repulsive parts in this track. Again, this line is nowhere near as clever as it must have seemed when the repulsive and terrifying depths of Chad Kroeger’s mind vomited it onto the lyric sheet: the metaphor is far too obvious to be entertaining, so once the shock value wears off it’s just very… boring. The good news, though, is that this was the last appearance by Nickelback on this list, so congratulations to them for only having 3 out of the 10 worst sexual lyrics that I’ve ever come across! In case the sarcasm there wasn’t strong enough to transmit through the computer screen, I should tell you, I’m rolling my eyes.

6. “From the top of the pole I watch her go down/She got me throwing my money around/Ain’t nothing more beautiful to be found/It’s going down, down” from Right Round by Flo Rida.

One, why are you so proud of having to pay women loads of money just to look at them, not even have sex with them? Two, I see your clumsy analogy for oral sex, and it is not welcome here. Three, I’m sure with only five minutes of research I could find several natural wonders that are definitively more beautiful than a stripper pole dancing (no offence whatsoever to strippers). These lyrics are crappy in a pretty generic way, so they wouldn’t have been this high on the list if it weren’t for the fact that Flo Rida didn’t think it was enough to make an awful song but he had to ruin Dead or Alive’s infinitely better track You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) in the process by including a mutilated version of its chorus (which, incidentally, is the only tolerable part of this mess). It was tough to decide between these lines and such words of wisdom as “I’m in a daze/That bottom is waving at me/Like ‘Dammit, I know you’ ” or “Somebody help me/She taking my bank roll/But I’m king of the club/And I’m wearing the crown/Popping these bottles/Touching these models/Watching they asses do down, down”, though 😀

5. “My dick is ready/I must use it” from Do You Wanna Fuck? by Byz.

Must you? Must you really?

Then again, I’m not sure what I expected from a song with a chorus of “And then she ask me/‘Do you wanna fuck?’/Yes, I wanna do/Wanna put my dick in you”, so at least the quality here is consistent, I guess.

4. “What you gonna do with all that ass/All that ass inside ‘em jeans?” from My Humps by The Black-Eyed Peas.

Um… keep it inside said jeans? Since their backside seems to be perfectly happy in its current location I fail to see the issue here.

3. “You know what to do with that big fat butt… wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle” from Wiggle by Jason Derulo (feat. Snoop Dogg).

I am so glad that Jason Derulo is here to inform us of what we ought to do with our behinds, otherwise how would we have known that it was really our calling all along to shake them for his enjoyment? I can only hope that someone farts in his general direction while “wiggling”. The next time you find yourself marvelling at the incredible progress that the human race has made, remember that just by October 2014 this track had sold over one and a half million copies in the US alone, and suddenly none of man’s achievements will seem as impressive.

2. “My hump, my hump, my hump/My hump, my hump, my hump/My lovely lady lumps” from My Humps by The Black-Eyed Peas.

Nickelback may have scored three entries on this list, but The Black-Eyed Peas have outdone them by getting two entries from the same song on here! One line was not enough to impress upon you how truly abysmal this monstrosity is. And to make it worse, this song reached number 3 on the charts in America and the UK. Just take a moment to process that… and then start to weep inconsolably as you realise that this is incontrovertible proof that humanity is doomed.

1. “Why they put the dick in the pussy?” from Dooo It! by Miley Cyrus.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No, but seriously… WHAT?! I have no words. I literally do not know what I can say to that, so instead I’m just going to leave you this for your viewing pleasure as I feel it adequately describes my feelings about this line 😀

Translation notes: See my first song translation for additional notes.

Text in italics is the original English, and text not in italics is my Spanish translation.

[lit.] represents a literal translation, [alt.] represents an alternative translation.

I’ve been meaning to translate a song for a while as it’s been some time since I last did one, but I didn’t know what song to do until recently Netflix recommended me Steven Universe so I started watching for the hell of it (and ended up getting hooked like so many others :D). Anyway, of the occasional musical numbers in the show this one stuck out to me as a good ol’ angsty anthem of unrequited love (not to mention the scene has pretty neat choreography too), and since I’m a complete sucker for those kind of songs I liked it immediately. As the show is popular enough to get dubs in many other languages there’s an official Spanish version of it too, which made it the perfect candidate for translation. So to make things more interesting I’ve first done my own Spanish translation of the original English lyrics as usual (without looking at the lyrics for the Spanish dub), but after that I’ve also translated the lyrics for the Spanish version back into English so you can see the differences between the two and added a few of my own comments regarding the dub.

Enjoy!

It’s Over, Isn’t It?
Se acabó, ¿no es verdad?

I was fine with the men
Who would come into her life now and again
I was fine cause I knew
That they didn’t really matter until you

Estaba bien con los hombres
Que entrarían en su vida a veces*
Estaba bien porque sabía
Que ellos no importaban hasta que tú**

[*A veces actually means ‘sometimes’, but since there’s no exact Spanish translation for ‘now and again’ I figured it was the closest in terms of meaning.

**In case you don’t already know, Spanish has two past tenses: the preterite and the imperfect. The preterite is used to refer to completed actions or events with a clear beginning and end point while the imperfect is used to refer to events without a clear beginning and end and actions that may or may not be completed. Therefore I used the imperfect throughout this verse of my translation (and most of the rest of the song as well) as the lyrics refer to a regular or recurring action rather than a one-off occurrence, and also because I felt it better reflected the song’s theme of being unable to move on from the past.]

I was fine when you came
And we fought like it was all some silly game
Over her, who she’d choose
After all those years I never thought I’d lose

Estaba bien cuando venías
Y peleamos como si fuera* solo un juego [lit. ‘[…] as if it were just a game’]
Para ganarla, para ver quien elegiría**
Después de todos los años, no creí que yo perdería

[*The word fuera in this line is an example of the subjunctive mood. The subjunctive is used frequently in Spanish for many different reasons, but this is one of the few instances where it could also be used in English if the line is rephrased ‘[…] as if it were all some silly game’. This is because in both languages the subjunctive is used after the conjunction como si or ‘as if’, the only difference being that in English the use of the subjunctive is optional while in Spanish it is mandatory.

**My translation reads ‘To win her, to see who she’d choose’ instead of ‘Over her, who she’d choose’.]

It’s over, isn’t it? Isn’t it?
Isn’t it over?
It’s over, isn’t it? Isn’t it?
Isn’t it over?

Se acabó, ¿no es verdad?
¿No es verdad que se acabó? [lit. ‘Is it not true that it’s over?’]
Se acabó, ¿no es verdad?
¿No es verdad que se acabó?

You won and she chose you
And she loved you and she’s gone
It’s over, isn’t it?
Why can’t I move on?

Tú* ganaste y te eligió**
Y te amaba** y se fue
¿No es verdad que se acabó?
¿Por qué no puedo olvidar?***

[*Since it is not necessary to include the pronoun preceding a verb in Spanish I made a conscious decision to add it here to emphasise that the song’s addressee ‘won’ and the singer did not.

**Note the use of the preterite in the first line and the imperfect in the second. Both these verbs are in the past tense, but the first line refers to a specific one-off action (i.e. the moment in which the subject of the song chose one person over the other) and so the preterite is used. On the other hand, the second line refers to a continuous action with no definite start or end point (i.e. the act of loving someone) and so the imperfect is used.

***My translation reads ‘Why can’t I forget?’ instead of ‘[…] move on?’ because it was the best equivalent in Spanish to the intended meaning of ‘move on’ in this line.]

War and glory, reinvention
Fusion, freedom, her attention
Out in daylight my potential
Bold, precise, experimental

Guerra y gloría, reinvención
Fusión, libertad, su atención
En la luz del día mi potencial
Atrevido, preciso, experimental

Who am I now in this world without her?
Petty and dull with the nerve to doubt her
What does it matter? It’s already done
Now I’ve got to be there for her son

¿Ahora quién soy en este mundo sin ella?
Mezquina y apagada con el valor* de dudarla
¿Por qué importa? Está hecho ya
Ahora a su hijo tengo que apoyar

[*In this context the word ‘nerve’ in English implies bravery but also carries negative connotations as it suggests someone’s actions were out of line or inappropriate. The Spanish word valor, however, possesses only the positive meaning of ‘courage’, which gives the translated line a slightly different tone to the original.]

It’s over, isn’t it? Isn’t it?
Isn’t it over?
It’s over isn’t it? Isn’t it?
Isn’t it over?

Se acabó, ¿no es verdad?
¿No es verdad que se acabó?
Se acabó, ¿no es verdad?
¿No es verdad que se acabó?

You won and she chose you
And she loved you and she’s gone
It’s over, isn’t it?
Why can’t I move on?

Tú ganaste y ella te eligió
Y ella te amó y se fue
¿No es verdad que se acabó?
¿Por qué no puedo olvidar?

It’s over, isn’t it?
Why can’t I move on?

¿No es verdad que se acabó?
¿Por qué no puedo olvidar?

 

 

Now here’s the reverse translation of the official Spanish version. Overall I would say it manages to maintain most of the meaning and emotion of the original, however dubbing a song is an even more difficult process than translating prose. There are no huge disparities between the two versions, but there are a fair few subtle changes in order to keep the rhythm and flow of the lyrics from one language to the other, which in this case is done quite well, though I would say these changes also lead to the main problem of this dub which is the lack of the original’s consistent rhyme scheme.

Fue todo, ¿no es así?
That Was All, Wasn’t It?

Estaba bien si con él
Que venía algunas veces por mes
Estaba bien pues pensé
Que no era importante hasta que tú

I was fine with the men
Who came a few times per month
I was fine cause I thought
That they weren’t important until you

Estaba bien, vino él
Y discutir fue una tontería, yo lo sé
Luego ella escogió
Y después de muchos años nunca pensé perder

I was fine when he came
And arguing was foolishness, I know
But then she chose
And after so many years I never thought I’d lose

Fue todo, ¿no es así?
¿No es así? Eso fue todo
Fue todo, ¿no es así?
¿No es así? Eso fue todo

That was all, wasn’t it?
Isn’t it so? That was all
That was all, wasn’t it?
Isn’t it so? That was all

Te eligió, lo eres todo
Y te amó y se acabó
Fue todo, ¿no es así?
No puedo olvidar el dolor

She chose you, you got it all
And she loved you and it’s over
That was all, wasn’t it?
But I can’t forget the pain

Guerra y gloría, reinventemos
Fusión, liberación, su atención
Día y noche es mi potencial
Valiente, audaz, experimental

War and glory, we reinvented ourselves
Fusion, liberation, her attention
Day and night is my potential
Brave, bold, experimental

¿Y quién soy yo si ella no está a mi lado?
Ruin, y sin brillo, ella me ha abandonado
¿Y qué importa? Ya lo hecho está
A su hijo yo debo cuidar

And who am I if she’s not at my side?
In ruins, and without light, she has abandoned me
But what does it matter? It’s already done
Now I have to take care of her son

Es todo, ¿no es así?
¿No es así? Eso fue todo
Fue todo, ¿no es así?
¿No es así? Eso fue todo

That was all, wasn’t it?
Isn’t it so? That was all
That was all, wasn’t it?
Isn’t it so? That was all

Te eligió, lo eres todo
Y te amó y se acabó
Fue todo, ¿no es así?
No puedo olvidar el dolor

She chose you, you got it all
And she loved you and it’s over
That was all, wasn’t it?
But I can’t forget the pain

Fue todo, ¿no es así?
No puedo olvidar el dolor

That was all, wasn’t it?
But I can’t forget the pain